Long, Long Ago in a Kitchen Far, Far Away...

My 12 year old son is laughing his butt of early this Tuesday morning.

Why?

Because he found out that that I am from 'olden times'.

What would qualify me for such an advanced age?

Well, I was telling him a story which involved the phrase "she was cutting carrots".

I got no further in the story because N suddenly howled with laughter "You had to actually cut carrots? Like you got a big carrot and had to actually cut it yourself? Man, you are from olden times!"

I realize that there are many modern conveniences utilized today that did not exist back when I was younger but I usually have considered these generational earmarks as technology based instead of vegetable based.

Like, I remember when we got our first TV with a remote. My family shared ONE PHONE LINE, and the phone was connected to the wall with a long cord. I listed to music on a boom box. I had to open the car door with a key instead of a button.

Now I must add the cutting of carrots to that list.

Because that is the way we did things long, long ago.

Good thing I bought some chocolate...

Woman carefully scrutinizes grocery add to find deals.

Woman carefully compares sale prices to coupons.

Woman organizes coupons by grocery department.

Woman drives to distant grocery store for 'double-coupon day'.

Once inside the store Woman is annoyed to discover she can not find her coupons.

After searching the car Woman drives home because Harris Teeter is to dang expensive without coupons.

Coupons are NOT on kitchen table where Woman expected them to be.

Woman looks through the car again and finds coupons which had fallen on side of dang passenger seat.

Woman drives back to distant grocery store - wishing that she did not drop her iphone in the Pacific Ocean because now she has a bottom of the line cheap-o phone which does not double as an ipod - and frankly, listening to some of her favorite tunes right now would be a really great way to alleviate some of the annoyance and stress over the whole coupon-athon.

Woman fills grocery cart based on carefully selected sale items which match coupons - for maximum savings.

At check-out Woman must fill out paperwork for new Harris Teeter card because she apparently lost her original and can not remember which dang phone number she originally used.

Woman was once a checker in a grocery store and HATED coupon shoppers because they were always a pain in the.....neck. But heck, woman now lives in one of the most expensive areas of the United States and has three kids so she will ignore the annoyance of the checker.

Woman has to split her order into two separate purchases because H.T. only allows 20 coupons per purchase.

Woman will ignore the increased annoyance of the checker because for crying-out-loud she waited until nearly 10:00 at night to go shopping so that there would not be any long lines behind her.

Woman takes groceries to car.

And.........................Woman's keys are not in her purse.

With elevated heart rate, Woman hauls loaded grocery cart back into store where Night Manager informs her that keys have NOT been turned in.

Woman retraces steps through grocery store and at last finds keys sitting on the counter of the bleep-bleepity-bleeping check stand.

Woman drives home thinking about blank-blankity-blanking iphone.

Woman puts groceries away and pours herself a tall glass of Diet. Dr. Pepper.

And she eats a bag of $4.00 Pretzel M&M's that she purchased for $1.25.....thank you very much.

*M&M's were shared with the three kids.

The Yin and Yang of Mr. Z

At 7 years old, Mr. Z is either sappy sweet or incredibly insensitive.

With me - he is usually the first. What can I say? The kid loves me - in a crazy way. He can't get enough of the hand holding, snuggling, hugging, etc. He is a bit territorial with my affection - when The Hub and I demonstrate a public display of affection, Mr. Z comes running and forcefully inserts himself in the middle of the parental embrace.

In fact, last night Mr. Z was around the corner from where we were snuggling on the sectional. Yelling "I hear hugging!" he ran around the corner and joined us as a third spoon.

Sometimes it is a bit over the top but 99% of the time it melts my heart. Tonight while I was tucking him into bed he gave me a big smooch on the lips and I asked:

"Are you ever going to be too old to kiss me goodnight?"

He gave me a tight squeeze while he answered.

"Well - maybe when I am 12...no 15...no 16, 17, 18 or 19 or 20.... Okay - how about 25??? But I am not going to worry about that now because it is a REALLY long time away."

But remember - the boy can also be incredibly insensitive.

Yesterday was Father's Day. As we sat down to dinner I asked the kids to go around the table and tell The Hub their favorite thing about him.

Mr. Z took the lead:

"Ok - me first. The very best thing about Dad is that he is really good at grilling meat. And NOW I will tell you the worst thing about him...."

So there it is, the Yin and Yang of a complicated boy.

And in case anyone is wondering - the worst thing about The Hub - (according to Mr. Z) is that he sometimes yells.

And thank goodness for that because Heaven knows that I can not be the only one doing the yelling around here.

Modern Interpretation

Mr. Z just asked me to tell him the story of 'the little girl who sits on a stool eating her cottage cheese'.

At first I thought that I had failed in teaching my kids Nursery Rhymes but as it turns out a 'tuffet' is a short stool...and curds and whey actually is cottage cheese.

So - I give you an updated telling of 'Little Miss Muffet' (authored by Mr. Z)

A little girl sat on a stool eating some cottage cheese.
Then a spider came and scared her.

Less lyrical but more concise and less confusing.

I am not sure why this topic is worthy of a timeless poem know by most all children.

Except for mine.

Confusion

Miss A: Mom - where do we keep the whiskey?
Me: Well......assuming we had any whiskey why would you want to know?
Miss A: Because I really need it!
Me: I am pretty sure that you are confused about something.
Miss A: No - I just need the whiskey!
Me: What are you talking about?
Miss A: I am talking about that thing you use to mix stuff - I am making muffins!
Me: Do you mean a WHISK?
Miss A: Yes! A whisk! Where do we keep the whisk?

Side Note: Miss A has a thing for whiskey - it is to her credit that in place of the term 'skiwampus' we use the term 'whiskeywampus'.

Second Side Note: Due to our inherent and consistent confusion is probably a good thing that we don't drink.

The Daily Grind

Alarm clock rings.

Fists start beating the bed.

"I can't take it anymore! Every day I have to do the same thing over and over again! I am sick of this! Sick, sick, sick of this! I need a break from all of this!"

Yeah - first grade can be pretty rough.

But it is Friday and Mr. Z can have a break tomorrow.

In the mean time - I think a stiff glass of chocolate milk with his breakfast will help him make through the day.

Note to Self:

When wrapping gifts for a child's birthday be sure to purchase gift wrap so you don't have to use last years Christmas supplies.

Also, get some scotch tape so you won't have to rip of small pieces of packing tape to affix the wrap.

And - keep track of your scissors so you don't have to use dull kitchen shears.

That is all.