Good thing I bought some chocolate...

Woman carefully scrutinizes grocery add to find deals.

Woman carefully compares sale prices to coupons.

Woman organizes coupons by grocery department.

Woman drives to distant grocery store for 'double-coupon day'.

Once inside the store Woman is annoyed to discover she can not find her coupons.

After searching the car Woman drives home because Harris Teeter is to dang expensive without coupons.

Coupons are NOT on kitchen table where Woman expected them to be.

Woman looks through the car again and finds coupons which had fallen on side of dang passenger seat.

Woman drives back to distant grocery store - wishing that she did not drop her iphone in the Pacific Ocean because now she has a bottom of the line cheap-o phone which does not double as an ipod - and frankly, listening to some of her favorite tunes right now would be a really great way to alleviate some of the annoyance and stress over the whole coupon-athon.

Woman fills grocery cart based on carefully selected sale items which match coupons - for maximum savings.

At check-out Woman must fill out paperwork for new Harris Teeter card because she apparently lost her original and can not remember which dang phone number she originally used.

Woman was once a checker in a grocery store and HATED coupon shoppers because they were always a pain in the.....neck. But heck, woman now lives in one of the most expensive areas of the United States and has three kids so she will ignore the annoyance of the checker.

Woman has to split her order into two separate purchases because H.T. only allows 20 coupons per purchase.

Woman will ignore the increased annoyance of the checker because for crying-out-loud she waited until nearly 10:00 at night to go shopping so that there would not be any long lines behind her.

Woman takes groceries to car.

And.........................Woman's keys are not in her purse.

With elevated heart rate, Woman hauls loaded grocery cart back into store where Night Manager informs her that keys have NOT been turned in.

Woman retraces steps through grocery store and at last finds keys sitting on the counter of the bleep-bleepity-bleeping check stand.

Woman drives home thinking about blank-blankity-blanking iphone.

Woman puts groceries away and pours herself a tall glass of Diet. Dr. Pepper.

And she eats a bag of $4.00 Pretzel M&M's that she purchased for $1.25.....thank you very much.

*M&M's were shared with the three kids.

The Yin and Yang of Mr. Z

At 7 years old, Mr. Z is either sappy sweet or incredibly insensitive.

With me - he is usually the first. What can I say? The kid loves me - in a crazy way. He can't get enough of the hand holding, snuggling, hugging, etc. He is a bit territorial with my affection - when The Hub and I demonstrate a public display of affection, Mr. Z comes running and forcefully inserts himself in the middle of the parental embrace.

In fact, last night Mr. Z was around the corner from where we were snuggling on the sectional. Yelling "I hear hugging!" he ran around the corner and joined us as a third spoon.

Sometimes it is a bit over the top but 99% of the time it melts my heart. Tonight while I was tucking him into bed he gave me a big smooch on the lips and I asked:

"Are you ever going to be too old to kiss me goodnight?"

He gave me a tight squeeze while he answered.

"Well - maybe when I am 12...no 15...no 16, 17, 18 or 19 or 20.... Okay - how about 25??? But I am not going to worry about that now because it is a REALLY long time away."

But remember - the boy can also be incredibly insensitive.

Yesterday was Father's Day. As we sat down to dinner I asked the kids to go around the table and tell The Hub their favorite thing about him.

Mr. Z took the lead:

"Ok - me first. The very best thing about Dad is that he is really good at grilling meat. And NOW I will tell you the worst thing about him...."

So there it is, the Yin and Yang of a complicated boy.

And in case anyone is wondering - the worst thing about The Hub - (according to Mr. Z) is that he sometimes yells.

And thank goodness for that because Heaven knows that I can not be the only one doing the yelling around here.

Modern Interpretation

Mr. Z just asked me to tell him the story of 'the little girl who sits on a stool eating her cottage cheese'.

At first I thought that I had failed in teaching my kids Nursery Rhymes but as it turns out a 'tuffet' is a short stool...and curds and whey actually is cottage cheese.

So - I give you an updated telling of 'Little Miss Muffet' (authored by Mr. Z)

A little girl sat on a stool eating some cottage cheese.
Then a spider came and scared her.

Less lyrical but more concise and less confusing.

I am not sure why this topic is worthy of a timeless poem know by most all children.

Except for mine.

Confusion

Miss A: Mom - where do we keep the whiskey?
Me: Well......assuming we had any whiskey why would you want to know?
Miss A: Because I really need it!
Me: I am pretty sure that you are confused about something.
Miss A: No - I just need the whiskey!
Me: What are you talking about?
Miss A: I am talking about that thing you use to mix stuff - I am making muffins!
Me: Do you mean a WHISK?
Miss A: Yes! A whisk! Where do we keep the whisk?

Side Note: Miss A has a thing for whiskey - it is to her credit that in place of the term 'skiwampus' we use the term 'whiskeywampus'.

Second Side Note: Due to our inherent and consistent confusion is probably a good thing that we don't drink.

The Daily Grind

Alarm clock rings.

Fists start beating the bed.

"I can't take it anymore! Every day I have to do the same thing over and over again! I am sick of this! Sick, sick, sick of this! I need a break from all of this!"

Yeah - first grade can be pretty rough.

But it is Friday and Mr. Z can have a break tomorrow.

In the mean time - I think a stiff glass of chocolate milk with his breakfast will help him make through the day.

Note to Self:

When wrapping gifts for a child's birthday be sure to purchase gift wrap so you don't have to use last years Christmas supplies.

Also, get some scotch tape so you won't have to rip of small pieces of packing tape to affix the wrap.

And - keep track of your scissors so you don't have to use dull kitchen shears.

That is all.

Apparently I need to keep my neurosis to myself

When Miss A started kindergarten (2003) she was a incredibly shy. I was ultra worried about her ability to mesh with the other kids and because she did not know anyone in her class I really wanted her to make some cute little friends. Every day after school I would quiz her on who she played with at recess and every day she would give the the exact same answer in her cute scratchy little voice:

"I played with just myself"

My most sweet and beautiful little baby was playing all by herself! I was broken-hearted and haunted by memories of middle school when I felt left out.

One day after school (after two weeks of asking her who she played with at recess and grilling her on social strategies) she burst into tears when I began my line of questioning.

I ached for her - poor little thing - brought to tears by her solitary play at recess...

I told her that it was okay because everyone feels lonely sometimes...

Which is when she said: "It's not lonely at school. Lonely is when you are ALL ALONE. There are lots of kids at recess all the time."

So why was she crying?

Apparently because she was so worried about making ME sad when I vicariously stressed out over the kindergarten social scene.

Lesson learned - and before long Miss A had a cute little friend who lived up the street (and we were 20-somethings living in California at the time so by 'street' I mean row of town houses).

Now that Miss A is 12 she is actually experiencing the real social drama of being in middle school. And guess what?

I am still powerless to do anything.

And all that post-traumatic-middle school-drama is back in full swing.

All I can do is be there for her and give some oh-so-helpful social strategies which are met by theatrical eye-rolls and expressive sighs.

Let me just impart this bit of wisdom that my years of experience and knowledge have helped me to understand:

1. girls are mean
2. boys are dumb

Man, I miss kindergarten!