Saturday, October 4, 2008

I am sick, sick, sick!

I was recently diagnosed with a sickness called HELIUM HAND (also known as Compulsive Volunteerism). This is a serious condition in which the affected individual can not help but to raise her hand to proffer service whenever it is requested. Really, there is no mental control over the Helium Hand - it simply rises in the air when anyone is in need of anything. In fact, as the Helium Hand rises, it takes control of the brain, making it's clueless possessor forget all of the other things that they have volunteered to do. My symptoms of this sickness are as follows:

-Chairperson of the PTA Reflections Committee
-Script Writer for the Elementary School Morning News Broadcast
-Chairperson of the afterschool Craft Club
-Girl Scout Cookie co-chairperson
-Den Mother of Bear/Wolf troop
-Assistant coach to my daughters soccer team 'The Tornados'
-Assistant coach to my son's soccer team 'The Lynx'

A good friend recently conducted an intervention in my behalf. She has offered to be my sponser and I have committed to a 12 step program. The first step is to admit that I suffer from Helium Hand, and that I need help. My sponser is in recovery herself and told me that being in an elementary school, at a church, or on an athletic field is the equivalent to an alcoholic being in a bar, however, she assures me that HH can be a managable disorder

I am currently being coached at saying "No..." but I can tell it is going to be a long and difficult process.

I am off to bed now - I need my sleep because as Assistant Coach to the soccer team, it is my duty to take charge when THE Coach is out of town. Which is the case tomorow.

Wish me luck - and don't ask me to do anything!


Kristy said...

Haha! Just as long as you don't get taken advantave of!

Brooke said...

Wendy, I desperately need help, can you come to Texas and watch my kids every afternoon? Thanks!! Just kidding, but it was worth a try, Helium Hand may have gotten me an experienced nanny! You're awesome!

Chris said...


Allie said...

Too funny. I hope to always be standing next to you when someone is looking for a volunteer for something. I also have a hard time saying no when someone asks for help, but it sounds like you've got it worse! You have quite an impressive list going on there. Too pad you don't get a raise, even with such an impressive mom resume'.

Heather said...

This is the funniest post ever!!!!
Good luck and let me know if you find the magic pill.

Heather (Chris' NY friend)

Lisa said...

I think your sista B has that illness too! Maybe it's hereditary.

DeLaina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeLaina said...

Great post! I am definitely a fellow sufferer. Once you get to the point where you feel you can sponsor someone else through the 12step program, will you pick me? Pleeeease?

Becca said...

I think that Helium Hand must be genetic, because I also suffer from that same disorder. I am also certain that our mother has frequent bouts of it herself. Maybe once you complete your program, you could sponsor me; only not until I finish reflections and primary and babysitting friends kids and making dinner for that girl in my ward that I don't even know and .......

The Carlsons said...