Saturday, March 8, 2008

Why Silence is Not Golden

Do you have one of those kids? The kind that you hear screaming, banging, crashing, fighting, laughing, crying, falling......the kind that is so vocally and physically loud that you can identify his or her location from anywhere in the house at any time? I have one of those. And sometimes I wish that he would just pipe down and exist quietly for a while.

But then, frighteningly, he does. The house falls eerily silent - and I know I must quickly investigate, to see what this incredibly cacophonous child is up to - because assuredly, it will be something that is not good. It is at these times that I will find him eating cookies under his bed, squeezing an entire tube of toothpaste into the sink, using the toilet plunger in inappropriate ways, urinating in inappropriate places, etc, etc.

Silence, with this child, is most assuredly not golden. When I finally get him into bed each night, I feel like I need a good stiff drink. I don't actually know what a 'good stiff drink' is, as I do not imbibe - but if I did turn to the bottle, I could readily use this child as an nightly excuse for alcoholic consumption.  If pharmacological solutions are necessary, I favor Tylenol with a Diet Coke chaser.

I have two other offspring that are habitually quiet. They are careful and deliberate...causing nary a worry.

However - this is why I can be blind sighted by their rare but creative antics. My oldest is one of these. She has grown out of most deviant behaviors - so I don't have to keep such a close eye on her. Silence, with her, is simply - silence. No checking, no worrying, no investigating. The days have long past of finding her rifling through my jewelry box to pocket her favorites, or snagging my wedding ring from whatever counter top I momentarily placed it on, and hiding it in one of her many bags and purses.

My youngest is not unlike his sister, usually playing quietly and independently. I have to remind myself to check on him where I more often than not discover that he is simply involved in his play things.

HOWEVER - I neglected to check on him the other day - and when he came downstairs, I could tell that something was amiss by the worried look on his face.

"I have a little scratch on my stomach," he said, "and I don't want you to see it but I really need a bath."

I agreed to the bath - wondering what was up, but I couldn't detect anything out of the ordinary. When we got to the bathroom, I filled the tub. He then asked me to leave - but I wasn't about to leave a 4 year old to his own devises in the bathroom. I asked him to get undressed but he stood still - evaluating me.

"Okay," he finally said, "but you are not going to like my scratches."

To conclude: Silence is golden, only at night when the kids are in bed. And by 'in bed' I mean dead asleep. For a child, simply laying in the dark does not qualify, There are too many potential trips to the potty, drinks for the thirsty, blankets or toys left in the basement, etc, etc, etc.

And I will leave to your imagination, the expansive and highly innappropriate artwork that is concealed beneath the spiderman underpants.


Chris said...

I am laughing so hard. That is so funny. I think the funniest part is the expession on his face. That is priceless. You need a video running all the time on him. Even Alan wants one of him on Sunday. I will have to show you pictures of Sarah and her friend at that age. Black marker all over their faces, black marker leaves a tinge of green by the way. :-)

Becca said...

I have missed your posts because I always know that I am in for a great laugh. What a riot--I wish I could have seen him live and in person--especially the part where he tried to conceal his mischievous antics from you!

Kristy said...

I agree with Chris. His expression is so funny. Oh goodness. How in the world does he come up with "I have a scratch" to try and get out of it? That child is too funny!

Allie said...

I laughed out loud. I swear I have a picture of Maddie at age two in a pair of dress-up plastic heels, a plastic headband falling out of her bangs, and a plastic bead necklace, and Elmo panties and covered in similar art work. It was head to toe like on your little guy. She told me it was "an accident." I suppose accidents happen in each household... Cute pics of all three. Maddie also cut her bangs and her hair herself three times by the time she was four. Oh the pictures I have of her, and the looks we got every where we went until it all finally grew back!!! Silence is suspicious!!!!

The Carlsons said...

I have two of those "loud" wonderful people in my life. I've been really lucky not to have to many funny, rolling on the ground once you've dealt with the problem kind of moments. However, Samuel will for sure give me these great moments...I can just tell I'm in for it.

It sounds like the "quiet" ones can still give you a run for your money...oh you're in for it.

You handle your moments of life with great humor!!! I love it!

Janice said...

HA- when I scrolled down and saw the pictures I laughed out loud. This chold reminds me of my little morgie moo. Silence is not golden with her either.

Tonks Family said...

Hopefully this was not done with a Sharpie?


Thankfully not a sharpie - it was only pen, but still an unpleasant scouring took place.

Heather said...

Too much! Ui can not wait to come and visit and be there when these thigns happen! I love you!