Why Silence is Not Golden

Do you have one of those kids? The kind that you hear screaming, banging, crashing, fighting, laughing, crying, falling......the kind that is so vocally and physically loud that you can identify his or her location from anywhere in the house at any time? I have one of those. And sometimes I wish that he would just pipe down and exist quietly for a while.

But then, frighteningly, he does. The house falls eerily silent - and I know I must quickly investigate, to see what this incredibly cacophonous child is up to - because assuredly, it will be something that is not good. It is at these times that I will find him eating cookies under his bed, squeezing an entire tube of toothpaste into the sink, using the toilet plunger in inappropriate ways, urinating in inappropriate places, etc, etc.

Silence, with this child, is most assuredly not golden. When I finally get him into bed each night, I feel like I need a good stiff drink. I don't actually know what a 'good stiff drink' is, as I do not imbibe - but if I did turn to the bottle, I could readily use this child as an nightly excuse for alcoholic consumption.  If pharmacological solutions are necessary, I favor Tylenol with a Diet Coke chaser.

I have two other offspring that are habitually quiet. They are careful and deliberate...causing nary a worry.

However - this is why I can be blind sighted by their rare but creative antics. My oldest is one of these. She has grown out of most deviant behaviors - so I don't have to keep such a close eye on her. Silence, with her, is simply - silence. No checking, no worrying, no investigating. The days have long past of finding her rifling through my jewelry box to pocket her favorites, or snagging my wedding ring from whatever counter top I momentarily placed it on, and hiding it in one of her many bags and purses.

My youngest is not unlike his sister, usually playing quietly and independently. I have to remind myself to check on him where I more often than not discover that he is simply involved in his play things.

HOWEVER - I neglected to check on him the other day - and when he came downstairs, I could tell that something was amiss by the worried look on his face.

"I have a little scratch on my stomach," he said, "and I don't want you to see it but I really need a bath."

I agreed to the bath - wondering what was up, but I couldn't detect anything out of the ordinary. When we got to the bathroom, I filled the tub. He then asked me to leave - but I wasn't about to leave a 4 year old to his own devises in the bathroom. I asked him to get undressed but he stood still - evaluating me.

"Okay," he finally said, "but you are not going to like my scratches."

To conclude: Silence is golden, only at night when the kids are in bed. And by 'in bed' I mean dead asleep. For a child, simply laying in the dark does not qualify, There are too many potential trips to the potty, drinks for the thirsty, blankets or toys left in the basement, etc, etc, etc.

And I will leave to your imagination, the expansive and highly innappropriate artwork that is concealed beneath the spiderman underpants.