MELODRAMA MAMA

Friday, February 1, 2008

Never Not Get It?

In the great and rainy state of Virginia school has been cancelled. Yes, that's right I said 'rainy'. And I said 'canceled'. I am looking outside and the rain is in fact, heavy, but it is still just - rain. Coming from Utah, living at 6,000 ft, I drove through 2-3 feet of snow, in a raging blizzard, more than once, to get my kids to the bus stop. After braving the elements there, this seems - weird. People say that I shouldn't scoff, after all it is freezing rain. Which is the kind that freezes (hence the name) when it hits the ground, and apparently people here do not know how to drive on slick roads. Ergo, we are all homebound for a 'rain day.' Excuse me, a 'freezing rain day'.

Consequently, instead of getting ready to go to the gym, I am overseeing the clean up of the basement. Whilst, goading my 3 offspring into action, we had the following 'intellectual' conversation:

N: If my birthday was on Christmas would I still get presents?

Me: You bet.

N: Awesome! I wish my birthday was on Christmas!

A: I wish my birthday was on Thanksgiving.

Me: Why?

A: Because we would have a big feast for my birthday dinner. (She looked suddenly thoughtful) Can I never not get my own birthday cake?

Me: What?

A: Can I never not get my own birthday cake?

Me: What do you mean?

A: Um, like, if I didn't finish my dinner?

Me: Well, usually we have something good for your birthday dinner - so you want to finish it.

A: But if it was Thanksgiving dinner, I might have to eat some gross vegetables or something, and I wouldn't want to, but I wouldn't get my dessert if I didn't finish - so can I never not get my own birthday cake?

Never Not? I was thinking that A could have really used this day of school to brush up on her grammer, but before I had time to delve into double negatives, the kids began to battle over N's prolific creation of Mii's on the Wii. A is angry that N is wasting Mii's. N feels very strongly that Heather will really want a personalized Mii waiting for her when she comes to visit this spring. And so will Kristy. So will Grandpa Rex. I resolved the issue by dictating that A can make all girl Mii's and N can make all the boy's. But only for real people. N will have to delete all of the fake Mii's that he created, because let's face it, that is wasteful. In fact, Some kids don't have any Mii's at all, and here N is all willy-nilly with the wasting. (If you don't have a Wii and don't understand this, just chalk it up to kids having another pointless argument.)

On the tails of resolving the Mii issue there have been loud disagreements over:

a) who actually turned the Wii on (because this was not allowed until the basement was clean)

b) who demolished Z's club house (because they should have to fix it)

c) why Z should pick up all the Scooby-Doo toys and not just Daphne (sadly, his all time favorite toy - besides barbies and polly pockets)

d) how N threw A's book at/to her and so will never be allowed to touch any of her things ever again

e) how Z is not helping clean

f) how N is not helping clean

g) how A is the only one who is cleaning even though she never makes any of the messes

I am wondering if I can never not get any peace and quiet today. Z is crying, N is yelling, A is tattle taleing, (perhaps I could be more parental but I am blogging)....and it is 8:30 a.m.

It would seem that my kids day off is my day to pull a double shift. Time to go be a mommy.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

A Night in the Life of Super-Mom

The other night, N came into my room around 11:00. He had this confused but wild glassy eyed look and was sweating profusely. As he has been sick and feverish, I was initially alarmed that his fever had spiked and I was going to have to take him to Urgent Care or something. This was the conversation that ensued.

Me: N, are you okay?

N: I have a problem.

Me: (feeling his forehead which was cool but clammy) What is your problem?

N: (tearing up) Those guys are aiming their catapults at me!

Me: Huh?

N: (glassy eyed silence)

Me: What are you talking about?

N: Catapults!

Me: (Angrily) Have you been up playing with toys or something?

*Editorial Pause -

It is known fact, in our home, that N will sometimes wake up at night, turn on his light once he realizes that everyone is asleep, and play with toys, only to fall asleep on the floor - which is odd because it is hardwood. I have also found him asleep in bed in the morning, lights on, and under the covers is myriad of knights, horses, and weapons. This deviant behavior resulted in the 'no light bulbs for you' (said in the voice of the Seinfield 'Soup Nazi') rule of 2007. He has since earned back his light bulb rights, and thus the ability to see at night - with the carefully worded warning that I can re-possess his bulbs at the slightest infraction of their use.

*Resume Conversation -

N: (slightly frantic) Help me Mom!

Me: What?

N: The bricks really hurt!

Me: What bricks?

N: They load up the catapult with bricks and shoot it at me! I need help! Please!

I realized that he was experiencing some sort of bizarre sleep-walking enactment of a dream so I got up to lead him back to bed. When I put my hand on his back he was drenched with sweat so I pulled off his P.J. shirt, put a dry one on him and tucked him in.

Me: (whispering) You are safe now. The guys are gone.

N: (mumbling) Thank you. You saved my life.

Yeah - that pretty much what Super-Mom's do. My next feat? To finish the laundry.

Monday, January 28, 2008

The Lazy Mom's Dinner

So - since we have all been sick a few things are out of whack. Namely, the house is a mess and I am running low on essential supplies.

So - I decided for dinner I would take the kids to get a smoothie from a local store. I was thinking that with the fruit juice and vitamin C booster, the drink would be good for their colds, and then we would go home to make sandwiches.

So - Z sipped his drink and cried (literally) "I hate this - never get it for me again." N sipped his drink, made a great and horrible face, grabbed his throat and involuntarily began to gag. I threw their drinks away, not wanting to consume their germs, thusly wasting five dollars and some odd cents. A and I enjoyed our beverages as we drove home, listening to the boys complain about my bad idea of getting a smoothie, and suggesting that we go instead to Maggie Moo's. When I told them that we were not going to Maggie Moo's we listened to them both cry and complain because they were thirsty and we were drinking in front of them.

So - when we got home, I could not find the supplies for sandwich making. In fact, I was even out of the basic ingredients for the kids all time favorite meal - buttered noodles.

So - this is what appeared on each of their plates:

2 cheese raviolis (lean cuisine),

1/4 cup fettuccine Alfredo (also lean cuisine),

1/3 of a piece of left over pizza,

1/3 of a banana,

4 mini carrot sicks,

and all the orange juice they could drink.

To quote a friend - "The government requires that I feed my children. There is no regulation for taste or quality."

Tomorrow I will go to the grocery store. Even if I have to go with (gulp) kids.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

In Memorandum

President Gordon B. Hinckley, leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints passed away today at the age of 97.

I will miss seeing him on the stand at conference, I will miss the sound of his voice from the pulpit. I will miss his sage advice and words of wisdom. I am thankful to live in today's day and age - when access to his teachings are so easily accessible online. I am grateful for my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints - and thus my remote connection to such a great man. He was loved and will be missed. Thank you, President Hinckley for your inspirations, testimony, and love.

The Blues

I had this brilliant plan two weeks ago to quit taking a 'kids activity bag' to church. With my youngest at 4 I figured that we could downsize a bit. No snacks, one activity book per child, blank paper, and colored pencils all fit nicely in my large purse. I tried it out last week, and found that it worked like a dream - except for the fact that I had left my cell phone in the bottom and it rang (Kristy) mid way through Sacrament Meeting.

Fast forward to this week - I brought my bag/purse again, deposited the kids on a row with my friend (still no Hub - thanks again, Chris) emptied the kids contents for them, then took my purse with me, to the stand.

Did I forget to mention that with all the drama of the week - the icing on my figurative birthday cake was that I had to speak in Sacrament meeting? (The icing on my literal cake was a butter cream.)

I could have sworn that I turned the darn phone off, but....

I spoke, it went as well as any talk could go - I sat down -rest hymn - next speaker - AND my cell phone starts ringing (Heather) from within my purse which was under my chair.

I have the ring tone set to this really great blues riff, which is neither reverent, nor quiet - thusly quite inappropriate background music for the speaker. I didn't want to pull it out of my purse to turn it off, as that would draw more attention to the noise and it's source, so I shoved it further under my chair, hoping that no one would notice. The people in the front row seemed to pick up on something, but fortunately the sound seemed not to have traveled beyond their range of detection.

So, other than the bishop who was looking around in surprise (both counselors were out of town today), the two youth speakers who were covering their mouths trying not to laugh, the speaker who visibly tensed up for the 30 seconds of hopefully unidentified noise, the organist who kind of 'tsked' from behind, and the occupants of the entire front row, no one noticed.

Da-da-da-da-da. (Jazz riff)

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Stop Whining!

Okay - so after my big whine about not having a network I have to take back my words. After reading my When I Needed It Most blog, my friend Chris Riker called me and kindly but firmly told me that she would have gladly given me a hand when I was sick and told me to put her number on my speed dial.

Fast forward a few days - Today is my birthday - 34 - (hmmmm...mid thirties - many whiny feelings on the topic that I will just keep to myself). The Hub is still out of town, I am still in recovery mode from illness, two of the three kids are not feeling well (though thank heavens not with what I had) so my b-day outlook was pretty bleak until......surprise! Chris stopped by with a bouquet of balloons tied to a bag bearing the name 'Wegman's'. Those who know about Wegman's understand that it could only contain good things! Within the bag I found a take and bake cheese pizza so I don't have to make dinner for the kids, some home-made chicken noodle soup for me - a loaf of their yummy french epi bread - a 2 layer butter creme vanilla cake - AND a necklace and pair of earrings which Chris hand made.

I would say that was above and beyond what anyone could expect from her network. Thank you Chris! You made my day!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Dissed and Missed

When we were kids, two of my sisters (Becca and Heather) composed a musical masterpiece. The crux of their ballad was that they wished to be magical in order to turn our Mom into a pie - so they could eat her. (Mean old Mom - she must have done something awful.) Now my own child is using imaginary magical vengeance on me. He had been asked to pick up his room but was instead, playing with a plastic Harry Potter wand.

Me: Hey Z, you are supposed to be cleaning your room - why don't you use some magic to make this mess disappear.

Z: (who paused his spell making to give me the stink eye - see picture) I wish this was a real wand with real magic. Then I could dis-you-appear!

I took the wand and forced him to finish his task - earning myself a few Mean Mom points.

Later, at dinner Z and I were going through our standard I-don't-want-to-eat-this-dinner-then-you-won't-get-the-delicious-desert battle when he angrily stated:

Z: I wish I didn't have any Mom.

Me: (with wounded soulful eyes) Oh! I would miss you so much.

His anger dissolved, his eyes filled up with moisture and he started sobbing.

Me: What's wrong?

Z: I will miss you too!