Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Disgusting 'Facts' of Life:

So thanks to Jamie Lynn Spears' incredibly publicized teen pregnancy, and the ensuing playground gossip of her tabooed behavior I had to have 'the talk' with N. Ugh. After finishing up with the basics, he had only one question: "So when I'm all big and hairy down there - that's when I have to do it?"

The next night however, after processing the information, he had a few personal insights:
"You said it was a way married people show they love each other. I think it is the way married people show each other how disgusting they are."
"Is that thing disgusting and violent, or just disgusting?"
"If I got shot while I was doing that thing would it be violent then?"
"When Dad was disgusting it's too bad he didn't pick my egg first - then I would be the oldest."
"What house did you and Dad live in when you did that disgusting thing that made me?"
"Do I do it at my party when I get married - oh wait - I better not do it at the party - I don't want people to know that I am disgusting."

I was in physical pain - trying to control the hysterical laughter that threatened to erupt with each comment or question. Needless, to say, my feeling that he was not mature enough to handle the facts of life was dead on. If not for some choice information being shared during recess I could have put it off for a while. D@#% that Jamie Lynn Spears.


Becca said...

If nothing else, the birds and the bees talk has given the rest of us a good laugh. I thought the "big and hairy" comment was good, but now my new favorite is the violence one--only Nick would come up with that!

Kristy said...

Oh...I love it! The after comments are the best!

Chris said...

That is choice.

Tonks Family said...

Oh, I am laughing so hard I am almost peeing my pants. That is so hysterical!

My sister was equally disgusted and went around telling people that her parens had only had to do that disgusting thing SIX did she come to that conclusion? Six kids in the fam!

Sprout said...

Hey Wendy - so I finally made it back to the blog. All I have to say is you can sure make a rotten day really good really quick. Your stories ROCK! Now let us not be "disgusting" any more :)

Karmel Design said...


Thanks for sharing your fun blog!

Boise Fishler's said...

I was reading "The disgusting facts of life" out loud. Philip was so embarrassed he had to leave the room.

shauna said...

Oh. My. Gosh. That is too funny. A kid who can be THAT funny without trying must have a fantastic future ahead of him. By the way, can you send me a photocopy of "The Talk." I'll need a script when I tackle the birds and bees with my kids.

Allie said...

We have avoided that discussion so far, but I hope my kids are at least one eighth as funny as N was digesting all the disgusting info. I hope you print out a copy of this entry to present him as a pre-honeymoon wedding gift. That's priceless!